Have you ever made a brilliant plan of how you wanted a part of your life to play out, only to have it go completely the other way? I sure have. ( HELLO Cancer and prosthetic leg!) It’s one of those things that God is constantly trying to teach me… it’s ok for me to make plans. However, it’s not ok for me to get mad when He changes them! ( Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.)
I had a birth plan, a simple one… but a plan nonetheless. I wanted to have him naturally, I wanted to use all these pain coping methods I had read about and practiced. I wanted to have immediate skin to skin with him. I had spent months mentally preparing. I had a plan.
Those plans changed when we found out our little man was breech, and despite our best efforts… was planning on staying that way.
So J and I had to decide what was more important to us… having the birth I wanted or having a healthy baby even if that meant throwing my plan out the window. So a C-section was planned for December 21, exactly one week before his due date in case he was still breech. I went into the Dr’s the Thursday before the surgery to see if he was still breech, and indeed he was. So a C-section it would be.
December 21 J and I woke up at literally the butt crack of dawn to make the hour drive to the Birthing Center. We kissed scout goodbye and set off. It was a pretty quiet ride as we let the fact that we would be parents in just a matter of hours sink in. I personally was feeling a wee bit scared as I faced a major surgery. The being awake part was freaking me out a bit…
We arrived at the Center and got comfy in our triage room. They hooked me up to monitors to watch the baby, and did one last ultrasound. ( Just in case he had moved) As we waited, I asked the nurse if I could request a few things. I ask her if I could watch my son coming out ( she told me they could set up a mirror so I could see) I asked if I could hold him right away. (She explained that unfortunately this was not possible as he would need to be checked ASAP,and I would be still being operated on, but she said I could see him and hold him as soon as I was stitched up and in recovery.) So I asked if J could hold him in my absence.(She said he could!) I also told her I wanted to breast feed him as soon as possible. Making my requests helped put me at ease just a little bit.
My surgery was scheduled for 7:30 am, the time was coming closer and J and I were told to gown up. I (in true preggo lady fashion… ) needed to use the restroom one last time. While I was walking back to the bed, my water broke! I looked at J and started to cry. Although we felt peace that we were doing the right thing I struggled a little still with giving up my plan.. Having my water break took away any doubts I had. We felt it was God saying “Trust me, this is the best plan”. Our boy was coming that day regardless of “how”! I got on that gurney feeling 100% at peace and ready to meet our son.
They wheeled me to the OR and I said goodbye to J ( He had to wait outside while they prepped me)
As I sat on the gurney, the Anesthesiologists walking me through what she was doing and how the spinal block would work… I had tears streaming down my face. Feeling ALL the feels, ALL at once. An incredibly sweet nurse came over, took my hands and held me as the needle was inserted and soothed me. As soon as the medicine took effect… things happened at warp speed.
The room filled with more nurses, my Dr. as well as an assisting Dr. and J . And just like a well rehearsed dance… they went to work. Laying me down, spreading the sheets on me, putting up the divider, mirror , and disinfecting my abdomen. Before I knew it… they were telling me it was time!
I didn’t plan on watching my surgery other than the end, but I found myself staring at the mirror. ( I did turn away a few times… there was A TON of blood involved! haha) J and the Anesthesiologists were both by my head talking to me and telling me what was going on, and helping me keep calm.
All the sudden I heard “Here he comes!” And I couldn’t take my eyes of the mirror as the Dr’s brought our little boy into the world! Hearing him cry, I lost it. They held him up for an instant so I could see him and then immediately took him over to the warmer and told J to follow them.
I was laying there with tears streaming down my face doing the “ugly” cry and saying “he’s beautiful” over and over again. J got to cut the remainder of the cord off ,and they wrapped him up and J brought him over to me. The nurses asked us what his name was and we told them… Asher William.
More “ugly” crying happened as they released one of my hands from the gurney and let me touch him. I got a few minutes with him before J and the nurses had to take him to the recovery room where I would join them once I was done.
The Dr.’s finished pretty quick and before I knew it I was being wheeled into the recovery room. Once I got there I realized that J was standing over Asher with an oxygen mask on his little face as the nurses did some test. I started yelling ” J! Is he ok? J!?” I was scared and I just wanted to hold him! I was told he was ok, they just needed to get his oxygen levels up.
And then it was time! They brought him over to me, and helped me pull down my gown so I could do skin to skin with him and nurse him. I was still crying as they placed him in my arms and I couldn’t stop staring at him in awe. After what felt like minutes… but i know was a lot longer ; ) J got to do skin to skin with him as well. And after the appropriate time, we were wheeled to our room.
We were in the hospital until Christmas Eve, and spent all that time with our little man. Lots of snuggling and learning how to be parents. The nurses and Dr.’s were AMAZING! And made the transition into parenthood so much smoother for us than it could have been.
I remember telling J that as usual.. God’s plan was 100% better than mine. Although it was completely opposite of what I had planned, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Asher William came into the world just as he was supposed to. He was healthy and thriving. That’s all we could have asked for!